Consent is a crucial aspect of any sexual activity and it is important to understand the key elements of it. Here are a few things to keep in mind: consent must be given voluntarily and with excitement, it can be withdrawn at any moment, and the best way to ensure consent is obtained is to ask directly. This guide will cover all forms of sexual intimacy that require consent, including but not limited to phone sex, kissing, dry humping, genital rubbing, oral sex, vaginal sex, and anal sex.

What is sexual consent?

Sexual consent is a mutual agreement between partners to engage in sexual activity. It is based on the principles of choice, communication, and understanding of boundaries, desires and expectations. It should be given voluntarily, enthusiastically, mutually and with a clear understanding of the terms and conditions of the sexual activity. It is important to note that the legal definition of consent may vary by location, but the core principles remain the same. Consent should be ongoing and can be withdrawn at any point. It is important to obtain and give consent every time for each specific sexual activity.

How do I give consent?

Consent can be given in several ways, but the most clear way is through direct verbal communication. It may seem daunting to give consent every time you engage in sexual activity, but it doesn't have to be a long discussion. Some ways to express consent include saying "yes" or using affirmative phrases such as "I want to" or "let's try that", giving positive feedback, or nonverbal cues such as nodding. However, it is important to keep in mind that nonverbal cues can be easily misunderstood or ignored, so it is best to use verbal communication in addition to nonverbal cues.

How do I withdraw sexual consent?

Withholding or withdrawing consent is an important aspect of sexual activity and it is best to do so directly and verbally. Saying no to a sexual activity can be done at any time, including during the activity. There are different ways to express non-consent, such as saying "no" or "stop", using phrases like "I don't want to" or "I need to think about it", giving feedback, or physical cues such as moving away or stopping the activity. It is important to note that physical cues can be misunderstood or ignored, so it is best to use verbal communication in addition to nonverbal cues. It is important that your partner is responsive to all signs of non-consent and if you're unsure that they understand, communicate verbally.

How do I make sure I have my partner’s consent?

Obtaining consent is important and the best way to ensure it is to ask for it. Clear verbal communication and being attentive to a partner's needs, mood, and body language are crucial. This is particularly important when you are engaging with new partners. To make sure you have a partner's consent, it is important to:

• Ask for consent before engaging in any sexual activity.
• Check in with your partner during the activity and ask if they want to continue or if they would like you to do something differently.
• Be aware of nonverbal cues and if you notice any discomfort or lack of reciprocation, pause and check in with your partner.
• Avoid engaging in sexual activity with partners who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, as they are not capable of giving consent.
• If your partner has experienced relationship violence or sexual trauma, discuss their boundaries, triggers, and how they would like to be treated during sexual activities to help them feel more comfortable.

Can I change my mind after I’ve already given consent?

It is completely acceptable to change your mind at any point, even after giving consent. You have the right to stop any activity that makes you uncomfortable, painful or unenjoyable. It's also okay to change your mind without any specific reason. Remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time.

What if my partner tries to change my mind?

It is important to remember that you have the right to make your own choices and you should never feel pressured to do something you are not comfortable with. If you feel anxious, uncomfortable, or unsafe with a sexual activity or a partner, it is perfectly fine to say no. Trust your instincts and remember that you have the right to make your own choices.

What if my partner is offended if I say no?

Saying no is a way of expressing personal boundaries and it is not a rejection of the other person. It helps to maintain one's own autonomy and is a line between safe and unsafe. It is normal for a partner to feel hurt when you say no, but it is important to explain the importance of boundaries in a relationship and encourage them to communicate their own boundaries as well. It is not acceptable for a partner to use hurt or offended feelings as a way to manipulate or pressure you into doing something you do not want to do, as this is a form of sexual coercion and may indicate an unhealthy relationship. Sexual coercion is any instance of pressuring or forcing someone to have sex against their will and it is a form of intimate partner violence. If you are concerned about intimate partner violence, speak to a counselor and take steps to ensure your safety.

What if I gave consent but feel weird after sex or a sexual activity?

It's important to remember that consent is an important part of having a positive sexual experience, but it doesn't always guarantee it. People are complex, and our feelings and bodies can be unpredictable. Different factors can impact how we feel about a sexual experience, both in the moment and in retrospect, such as power dynamics, trust, and personal self-esteem. Some experiences that we thought we would enjoy may not turn out to be fun or enjoyable. It's important to talk to a partner or someone you trust about your feelings and learn from them. If you find that you agreed to engage in a sexual activity because of pressure or to avoid a conflict, then your consent wasn't freely given. This is an opportunity to discuss your needs and how your partner might be pressuring you without realizing it. If your partner is not receptive to this conversation, or if this is a pattern of behavior, it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It's important to be aware of the warning signs of unhealthy relationships and to take steps to ensure your safety, or speak to a counselor.